Satisfied

John Piper says that his life quote is, “God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied with Him.” I’ve been thinking about this quote and evaluating my own satisfaction in Christ. I’ve been realizing I have not been content with my current situation in life and consequently I’ve been saddened that God cannot be more glorified in me. During the months of dealing with Aplastic Anemia I trusted Him completely. I felt slain, but at the same time I was at peace in His presence. Once I became aware I was healing from this blood disease I think I expected life to resume as normal, at least normal in terms of health. I did not expect the body trauma of chemotherapy and radiation to leave me with the scar of chronic fatigue, nor the steroid treatment to weaken me and leave me with the pain of a bone disease. I was surprised to find that the chronic fatigue negatively affected my depression and the dark cloud it cast over my life. It’s left me with a sense of loss over my health and the things I am able to do. To be honest, the ongoing fatigue, pain, worsening depression, and the consequential losses have left me feeling unsatisfied with my life. In the realm of expectations I had for my days, none of these remotely fit in. I truly want God to be most glorified in me, so another process of surrendering my desires begins. As I render my desires, leaving them in the hands of my loving Father, I discover a greater degree of satisfaction in Him and a place where all things are possible. It is in this place I’m reminded and encouraged by Jesus’ words when He said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16.33).